I got to Sukhothai early evening during what would be considered rush hour. It was hot and dusty and I made some mistakes on finding my way to the hostel I booked. By the time I got there my attitude had totally shifted. I went from blissed out to cranky in moments.
I checked in and got the key to my hostel room. I opened the door and a fog of musty air covered by some spray of artificial fragrance slammed me in the face. I have never refused a room and was to exhausted to and cranky to even think of starting here. My perception is that I am not very picky with rooms; but, I have a thing when it comes to smell. And this was pushing my threshhold.
I decided to get some food and see if I could make some attitude adjustments. Well, in order to get out of the chaos of the busy part of the city I chose to walk down a quieter street that ran along a canal. The street had tall walls with beautiful street art on the left and lights every now and again that came on as it was starting to get dark.
Remember the gang of dogs I had mentioned before? I saw a few dogs lying in the street which is normal; but one of the dogs got up and started to growl. I knew this was not going to be good and he was telling his buddies to come out of the shadows. And they did. There was probably a total of about 8, and they started growling, and barking, and circling. Usually there is someone around who can get them in line but the street was deserted. I tried the stay calm approach and kept walking, you do NOT want to retreat. A couple dogs were brave and lunging and nipping at my heals. I didn’t think they were brave enough to go any further until another dog came out of the shadows and you could tell he was the alpha dog. I was scared.
I threw my arms in the air and got big. I lunged towards the alpha dog as I was stomping my feet really hard. The other dogs were still nipping. The alpha dog did not stand down, I had to move towards him stomping more and yelling unintelligible words; I felt like a sasquach. I was really scared but my adrenaline kicked in and I didn’t stop moving forward, yelling and stomping. They eventually started retreating enough for me to back away from their space and start calmly walking forward. They let me know with their continued barking and following me that I did not win. Man, was I relieved when I heard them retreat. Lets not make that mistake again.
I got some unrecognizable food at a food stall that would normally peak my curiosity but just annoyed me. I think because of my annoyance it did not taste very good. How did I go from this blissful day to this gloomy stuck mood? Time to go back to my perfume bottle and call it a day. Start fresh in the morning.
My mood was no different in the morning. So instead of adjusting my mood I made a geographic change to the other side of town closer to the ruins. Did this non-musty natural plumeria fragrance place with a pool change my mood? Did the beautiful Khmer ruins of Sukkhothai change my mood? Yes and no, it was underlying.
I was able to temporarily fool this mood with the beauty of the ruins but I got annoyed by the tourists. ( which I am one ) HaHa! I tried filling this mood with a western day. Ice cream, expensive coffee, and an expensive western lunch in a nice boutique hotel. These did not fill this void I was feeling. I started feeling home sick and worrying about what I have to do when I get back. What am I doing here so long? How irresponsible of me… Why am I always alone….etc. No compassion, no love.
This is when you no longer see the flowers on the ground that have fallen out of the trees; you see the trash. I didn’t see the happy dogs, only the sick ones. People didn’t seem to be smiling at me, they are scowling. I can’t eat another Thai dish or get out in that sun.
I went back to my hotel late afternoon and figured out how to get on Netflix abroad and watched movies until I fell asleep. Hours,,, I numbed out. The next morning I woke up for sunrise at an amazing ruin and it was quite peaceful and was working some magic as I was trying to accept where I was at. Breathing, meditating, trying to stay present. Imagining what it must have been like to live here 800 years ago.
It happens, sometimes we just can’t get out of our own way. Sometimes the things you love become the things you dislike. Sometimes things seem like they will always be this way and we are powerless to change. Well, the good news is things are not permanent including our stinky moods. And we are not powerless and alone.
My day went better but their was still some underlying current but I was no longer hijacked by this mood. I was able to really enjoy the 800 year old ruins in this beautiful historical park. Their are no motorized vehicles allowed so I rented a bicycle and was able to get some endorphins and sweat flowing. It is getting Hot!
The park was quite peaceful even though their were busloads of people. I visited the popular photo spots at sunrise and moved on to the ‘less photographic’ spots later in the day. People really don’t start arriving until 10, so I had a 4 hour jump on them. This is one of my all time favorite things about being sober. I am now a morning person and love every minute of it.
Feeling as if I had seen the most impressive parts of the park I would pull out my fold out chair and sit amongst the ruins, people watch, and reflect until the sun was high in the sky. This is when I retreated to my hotel. I felt there is no beating the heat and people so why even try. 4 o’clock is when things would start to cool down and thin out. Back to the park for a sunset somewhere amongst the ruins.
The park at Sukkhothai is incredible. As a kid my grandfather bought me a subscription to National Geographic every year for Christmas. It started at a very young age and was one of my favorite most impressionable gifts to this day. Sukkhotahi, Angkor Wat, the Mayans, Aztecs, and Incas; the Tibetans and Himalayas all were so fascinating to me. The architecture, the culture, and the people. I wanted to be a writer for National Geographic when I grew up. Today, I have visited most of these places and am so fortunate too have had someone in my life who recognized and supported my passion from an early age, and I get to write about it. I get to share my experiences.
So, Pops… Even though I had poopy pants at Sukhothai I still put on my big girl pants and thought of you and my good fortune to have this experience. I would not trade it for any completely blissed out day. Everything in my life is just as it should be.
