March 7
Last night I set my alarm for 4:30 so I could get up early and walk down to the Stupa and start my mediation rounds before and while the sun rises. Eager with mala in hand I leave the guest house around 5, the sky just starting to lighten up. It is quiet; no barking dogs, honking horns, or motorbikes. The noise pollution of the city is asleep.
In the labyrinth of alley ways headed to the stupa I could hear something but wasn’t sure what it was. Music? People talking? A generator in the distance?….. Chanting. It is Tibetans coming from all directions spilling down to the stupa chanting with malas and prayer wheels in hand. Hundreds of Tibetans.
As the Stupa suddenly appears as it did the night before I see and hear that there is probably a thousand devotees already walking around the stupa. The sound of their feet shuffling, the concentration of tibetans dressed in maroon and mustard gold woolens is beautiful.Yak butter candles are lit and the smell of incense in the air. I am the only white face in the crowd that I can see, and this holds to be true for the next couple hours. It feels like I have been let into a secret society. This is everything I could hope for. This is why I came to Nepal, to see and feel this spiritual nakedness. More tears.
Joining in the clockwise motion with mala in my left hand rolling each bead back with my thumb and reaching for the next I chant OM MANI PADME HUM. A man behind me is chanting Sanskrit in that deep throaty way that some Tibetan monks do, it resonates in my bones. An elder woman next to me is chanting OM MANI PADME HUM at a very slow drawn out crackly pace while swinging a prayer wheel. A woman in front of me is pulling moans from her gut and exhaling them out. Others lips are moving in a quiet whisper like mine. Everyone is playing their instrument and the orchestra is humming.
A true meditative state has been reached for me and I don’t even feel my body moving; we are moving at a pretty quick pace and I have not lost position from those I started with. We move as one unit. At this point I change up my chant to a prayer I often use;
May (somebodys name) know happiness and the roots of happiness
May ( ) be free from suffering and the roots of suffering
May ( ) know mental and physical health
May ( ) feel safe in their body and surroundings.
With thumb pulling mala beads I run through people I love and people I struggle with. At the end I say it for myself and my heart breaks open and tears are running down my face. It gets caught in my throat so I say it until it no longer sticks and I step out of the flow and have a seat. I watch as these beautiful people pray for compassion, forgiveness and understanding for all; you can feel the healing energy moving around the stupa. Once again I am moved to tears, I know this makes a difference.
The sun has not yet reached the horizon and I have purchased a hot chai tea from one of the many women walking around with urns filled. Yak milk or no yak milk; no yak milk. Not ready yet for that experience. There is a Gompa ( place of meditation ) at the stupa where I have been sitting drinking my tea. The entrance is directly behind me; yesterday I was afraid to go in because I am not sure the etiquette.
A monk comes out and taps me on the shoulder and invites me in. I take my shoes off and enter. Unbelievable! I just stepped into Tibet. My description will not possibly do it justice so I will look for a picture. No cameras.
He offers me a cushion to sit on and hands me a notebook to put my name in. Not sure why.? He returns with burning juniper and sandalwood in a hanging urn and motions for me to rotate my mala clockwise through the smoke. He then tells me the monks are going to chant for my good fortune and open heart.
He walks down the center of the monks with his burning urn and they start their deep chant. One of the monks starts banging the drum to the beat of my heart, or my heart starts beating to the drum. Drumming, chanting, cymbals, and me sitting in a meditative posture. The tibetan horns are blown and we come to a crescendo. Did this really just happen? I feel disconnected and so grounded at the same time. Nothing is familiar; and I am completely okay.
I walk out of the Gompa and everything looks so different; tourists are taking pictures, the shops are opening, the tea ladies are gone and the tibetans are fewer. The spell is broken and I return to my guesthouse, it is 4 hours later and I fall into a deep sleep.
I have few pics of this experience because it was just not right. I may try to audio record tomorrow morning. Yes, tomorrow morning. I am staying another night just for the morning experience.
