Being in Nepal only a week; I have some pretty high expectations of myself and Nepal. The days leading up to my departure date I was sure to remind myself of all my comforts; drinkable water from the tap, my familiar foods, soft warm bed, routine, a strong network of friends, projects, purpose, familiar language, culture…..
Most times I find I easily move into my new surroundings and travels; other times it takes a bit. This is one of those ‘takes a bit’ times; nothing has gone wrong, everything is going right. I just have this uncomfortable feeling. I think my anticipation for this trip created an expectation of how it should look, I can’t even tell you what that is but whatever story I have is not allowing the present moment to take place without some judgement.
Don’t get me wrong; there are so many magical moments already. It started with my upgrade from economy to business class for my 5 hour flight from Hong Kong to Kathmandu. Never have I ever. Wide seats that went almost all the way back, a menu to order from, warm towel to wash your face, cloth napkins and table cloth; I ate well and actually got to sleep for the first time in 32 hours under a heated wool blanket paired with a full size pillow.
The place I am staying at is a stones throw from the stupa and my housemate couldn’t be nicer and more helpful. Sarjune is the only Lithuanian living in Nepal. She speaks fluent Nepali and is working on her guiding business so she is a wealth of information. The place is easy to feel at home, dog included. Tonto lives on the street dodging motorcycles, and visiting different stalls by day; but comes home to sleep at night. She is her own dog, can be indifferent but me and her have an understanding, and she lets me love on her… but not too much.
I have made a friend in a Buddhist nun whom is originally from San Francisco. Thubten Sangmo saw a book I was reading and the author is one of her teachers, as is mine too; we have been having some pretty great conversations over tea and momos. (Tibetan dumplings) We plan on doing some practice together in a nearby monastery, and she is trying to get me to go to India with her.
Within a week I found my favorite fruit stall, yogurt stall, and morning masala tea lady. I have found my money exchanger, rented my motorcycle, and got a Nepali phone number. My jet lag is starting to normalize itself and I have just had my first mostly full night sleep.
I can go into more detail about these things later. What I really wanted to share is how I am feeling, where I am at; uncomfortable and a little unsure. I am trying to be gentle and accept and not push it away. And know that this too will pass. This is what travel is for me; to challenge myself, be with my feelings and fears without covering them up with some western comfort, something familiar. To widen my world my perspective. I also think my travel companion is annoying me; she is always there telling me what I am doing wrong, or what is wrong with the situation or place. Comparing other experiences. Not staying very present. The westernized way of thinking is strong with this one.; the Nepali way will soon enough pick this apart.
Solo travel has its ups and its downs. All of the mistakes and misunderstandings are made by me, all of the decisions and figuring out basic but difficult tasks by me. I know how fortunate I am to be doing what I am doing and I have zero regrets and this is part of the process. I really wanted to share because this is life; ups and downs. I am a bit uncomfortable but having the time of my life, and I can have both of these experiences. People are so unbelievably kind and helpful, I am well fed, and Buddha is everywhere. I just have to work on my compassion and acceptance for my travel partner who seems to be a bit hard on herself.
This may seem like an unexpected first post but I really want to be honest with my journey in hopes that it might help in some way. My journey will show movement through discomfort and fear sometimes gracefully and sometimes with dog shit on the shoe. Creating the conditions to produce growth, and incredible experiences that lead to real happiness. I have been trying to write this for days…. and felt very stuck. It has felt sticky to write; but now feels great to get down on paper. Paper? On screen. It feels a little more fluid, I feel a little more fluid.
I am currently on my first 3 day motorcycle trip and have already had quite a few memorable experiences with some dog shit in the tires; but it is more life in 3 days than 6 months in comfort; I am fortunate, happily discontent, and grateful for an incredible support group; I absolutely could not do this without my people. Please know I am safe, right where I should be, and will reach out if I feel I need extra support. Next time, a little more about the adventure,,, and feelings. If you got this far, thanks for reading. See you next time. Much love. Namaste. Irie ❤️
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I cannot put into words.How much I admire you